


One in Three Wizards

by PunkArsenic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 06:16:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4127985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkArsenic/pseuds/PunkArsenic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin is fed up with being ashamed. But, not everyone takes his pride with ease.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One in Three Wizards

**Author's Note:**

> based in 5th year, compliant with my other marauders fics

Remus Lupin sighed. It was not a resigned sigh, but the kind of sigh you make once you have reached your destination and can stop moving - which is exactly what he had done. He sat in a corner of Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour and waited. Every year, the day before returning to Hogwarts, the Marauders - James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus - would meet there to catch up on all the summers misdemeanours without the constraints of school rules - and ice-cream!   
    And he waited. They were always there, two o’clock, on the dot. Besides that time Sirius' aunt had died, and he bought them all double rounds to make up for it.  
   And he waited. It was important Remus had them together before Hogwarts, it was important they knew before anyone else. It was so important.  
  And he waited. Shops would be closing soon, and Remus still hadn’t got what he needed for the year ahead. He left.  
  
  The boys - James, Sirius, Peter - met the next day at Nine and Three Quarters. They searched the entire platform for Remus, but couldn't find so much as a hair.   
   "Maybe he's upset we didn't go Fortescue's yesterday." mused James, "He can't half throw a strop, that one, he's almost-"  
   "As bad as me," Sirius interjected, "I know, you've been reminding me since First Year." He rolled his eyes, leaning on Peter's head to get a better look over the platform.  
   "But surely he'd - ow! - wanna know why!" said Peter.  
  "Well, obviously not if he's sulking! C'mon, maybe he's boarded already." They bustled themselves onboard, dragging their trunks to their compartment. James slumped on the worn seats, "Welp, he's not here. His loss!"  
  "I dont know..." Sirius hovered at the door, peering around, "Don't prefects go to a special compartment."  
  "Moony ain't a prefect, is he?"  
  Sirius shrugged, "The teachers love him."  
  "They wouldn't love the Remus Lupin _we_ know!"

  
  Sirius wandered off down the corridor, ignoring his friends. if Remus was throwing a sulk, it was important to nip it in the bud; this could ruin the term entirely!  
  He strolled his way down, masking his anxiety expertly, moving shorter students - which was most of them - by the heads.  
  He peered in every compartment, and lifted every brown-haired head turned to its feet. not one of them was Remus.  
  One of them, however, was a prefect, who had been about to stoop to do up his laces when Sirius dragged him back up. "Oi!" Thomas Batteny scowled up at Sirius, "I'm a prefect! Y'hear?" he jabbed his badge, "That’s a detention! You’re not even at school yet and you've got-"  
  "That’s nice, Batty, is Remus Lupin a prefect too?"  
    "What? I- Yes! But that's besides the-"  
  "Where can I find him?"  
  "I dont know! Now, stop int-"  
  Sirius patted him hard on the shoulder and carried on walking, "Thanks a lot, Batty!"  
  "That’s another detention!" Batteny cried.  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes, shepherding more students out of his way and back between him and the prefect, although there were significantly less of them to move now, as they had all packed into compartments. He knew the prefects compartment was right up near the end, so he hurried himself, peering behind him now and then in hopes of catching him.  
   In the midst of a bored twirl to check around the passage, he almost missed the near empty compartment beside him. There were two lone members within, sitting at opposite sides.  
   One was a Seventh Year with long blond hair in a plait and thick glasses, who leant back and scratched his slender nose; Tony Lovegood. He was unremarkable, unknown, except as 'the gay one', or certain crueller names.  
  He was talking quite comfortably with Remus Lupin.  
   Sirius fell over. There was a clatter of compartment doors being scrambled for and the sound of many rushed swearwords.  
  He lay flat on the floor, as still as he could, ears pricked for sounds of movement.  
  Remus stepped into the passage and Sirius grinned up at him sheepishly, "Oh! Hello Remus! Fancy seeing you here!"  
  Remus rolled his eyes, pulling Sirius off the floor, much to his protest ('Ow, ow! You got my hair!' 'Careful! These are new robes, Remus!')  
   Sirius dusted himself down, huffing, "I think- I think the train hit a bump. I was looking for you, Remus." His eyes wandered to Lovegood, who had joined them at the door. He decided to ignore him.  
   "Well you needn’t have bothered, had you turned up yesterday," Remus turned to Lovegood, "Thank you for your time, I’ll keep everything you said in mind. See you." he started walking, as if having forgot his friend was there. Sirius gave Lovegood a wide berth, as if he was a portkey to somewhere deeply undesirable. He stared at him for a second, then ran to catch up with Remus, "Oi! What were you talking to him for?"  
  Remus shrugged, fiddling with a shiny new 'P' pinned to his jumper, "His... sister’s starting Hogwarts this year; he's worried about her."  
   "What, you have to mentor his weirdo sister?"  
  Remus frowned up at him, "You've never met her in your life. No, I really only need to keep an eye out for her. Because, well, you know." Remus shoved the compartment door open, greeted with cheering from Peter and James. He sat down across from Sirius.  
  "Hey! Told you he’d be a prefect!" James pointed at Remus' chest, "Didn't I tell you?"  
  Sirius shoved him, "You were the one who said 'teachers'd hate the Remus we know!'"  
  "Well, there was that time I flooded the first floor girls bathroom. Remember, in Second Year?"  
  "I got detention for a bloody month thanks to you!"  
  
  Remus' hands were clammy. He observed the conversations temperament closely, deliberating every phrase and expression. It was important he chose the right time to tell them - or maybe he was just stalling.  
   "Hey," Sirius said, after an hour of train travel, "Guess who’s sister Moony has to mentor."  
   James lifted his head from his game of exploding snap. Remus shrank into his seat, watching Sirius closely as he cocked back his head nonchalantly and made a gesture which included pressing his tongue against his cheek.  
  "No!" James grinned at Remus, "Really?"  
   "No, not really. I've just been asked to look out for her-"  
   "Is she like him? Is she... you know."  
  Remus huffed, sitting up, "There's a one in three chance she's ' _you know_ '" he coated the last two words in sarcasm, "Just like anyone else!"  
   "What?"  
  "One in three people, in general, it might be something like one in four for wizards, I'm not sure."  
  "One in three?" James looked around, "But there's four of us! That means one of us has to be gay!"  
   All three looked at Sirius. He remained leant against the window and frowned, "What?" he lifted his head and James snickered, "No!" Sirius shook his head incredulously, hand on his wand in a split second, _"No!"_  
   "Look, that’s not how statistics works. And besides-"  
   "Yeah see! Moony says I’m normal, so that’s final!"  
  The moment to tell them, it seems, had definitely passed.  
   
  
   Sirius watched Remus carefully throughout the welcome dinner; he seemed odd, awkward, anxious?  
  "Hey, guys, you know I've gotta escort the First Years, right?"  
  James threw his fork back onto his plate, "What? But we was gonna..."  
   "I didn't ask to be a prefect," he shrugged, "It's just tonight. If you end up doing hijinks on first night, I’ll give you detention just for being arrogant pricks." He smiled and cocked his head as James and Peter skulked off, muttering belligerently.  
   Sirius stayed. "They're not going to do anything," he reassured Remus as they stood up together, "They've nothing planned, they just like you." Remus flashed him a smile before he began guiding first years with a paternal ease that came naturally to him.   
      They walked at the front of a gaggle of miniature wizards, and Sirius walked almost uncomfortably close, keeping his voice low, "You and Lovegood?"  
   Remus sighed, looking dead ahead, "What about him?"  
  "You were really just talking to him about his sister?"  
   "Yeah. he suspected she’d be Gryffindor... He was right."  
   "So you’re not-"  
   "Fucking him? Obviously not."  
  Sirius hushed him desperately, glancing back at the sea of curious faces, "If you fancy being blunt about it! But I was actually asking if you’re friends! Obviously you're not a _poof!"_  
   "Then who is? James? Peter?" he looked up at Sirius, "You?"  
   He then turned his back on Sirius to address the First Years as they reached the Fat Lady. Sirius took his cue to leave.  
      
  Between prefects duties and his own plans, there had been no time to tell them for the rest of the evening. Remus lay awake, staring into the dark.  
   "I’m gay."  
He heard the shuffling of multiple bodies, then a stillness. It took many moments for it to break.  
  "What?" James whispered.  
  "I’m- I’m gay. I like guys. Well, that's an oversimplification but..."  
   "When were you planning on telling us?" James asked indignantly.  
   "Well, now, I guess. I've been trying since yesterday." he sat up, looking around, "If you’d just give me an opportunity to explain." He saw James and Peters figures sit up, and took his cue, "I do like guys, but I also like girls. I'm bisexual."  
   "What? How does that work?" James shoved his glasses onto his face.  
   Remus shrugged, "I like girls and guys - a-and people who uh... have yet to make up their minds."  
  "Make up their minds? About what?" asked Peter  
   "Well... About their gender- it's not really a question of making up your mind it’s just a figure of-"  
   "How tiny does your dick have to be for you to be unable to make up your bloody mind?"  
  "Dunno, you worried yours is too small?" Remus' patience was thinning already, "It’s not like that. It’s like... Sometimes our brains just don't match our bodies. Sometimes we just-" Remus was cut short by Sirius throwing off his covers, stamping to the door, and slamming it behind him. There was a stillness devoid of calm.  
  "He's probably gay. That’s why he can't stand it. Innit?"  
  "What? No! I mean, maybe he is but that's not why he's being an arsehole."  
  "You think Padfoots gay?" James laughed,  
   "I dont know!" Remus yelled, punching his pillow, "But I know it's not funny. So shut the fuck up."  
    There was no more talking that night, and there was no more talking that morning, and Sirius stayed away.  
  
   A family of doxies had taken nest in Sirius' brain. Or at least it felt that way. Even when he tried, lessons were impossible to focus on, as was everything else.  
     _'And people who are yet to make up their minds...'_ Remus' words swam through his head, flooding thoughts of Quidditch or potions or hijinks, drowning out menial things such as how to eat and how to speak. What the fuck.  
   That’s impossible. Totally impossible. And wrong. Everyone said so, his mother said so.  
   _'Yet to make up their minds'_ Had he made up his mind? Had Remus? No of course. Sirius Black is a boy, obviously, there was no making up your mind about it.  
  What about Remus? He thought of all the times they'd changed together, and of the sneaked whispers and covert glances. Had it meant something more?  
   He remembered the time in first year he had crawled into Remus' bed because he heard a thump in the night and his skin crawled. It was embarrassing enough already, now it was...

   "Oi you! Dogbreath!" Sirius was snapped from his anxiety ridden daydream by an unfamiliarly hostile voice. He looked up from the magazine he had resting on his knees, squinting in the light that framed the marauders. James kicked his foot, hands on his hips, "Yeah you! I've had enough."  
   He sat down under the sycamore beside Sirius, and Peter flanked him on the left, like guards they had their wands out. Remus begrudgingly sat down across from Sirius, keeping his distance.  
   "What’s this all about?" Sirius scowled as he found himself unable to reach his wand.  
   "You know, Black, dont pretend you don’t. You've been-"  
   "A right utter prick." Remus tore grass from the ground absentmindedly.  
   "Oh now, if I had been a right utter prick I would have done more than just let you alone, Remus."  
   "What? Your silence is supposed to be kindness?"  
   "Well, no, but... I've had to think. About... things."  
   "Things you couldn't talk to us about?" Remus continued to occupy himself with grass, head lowered as he talked.  
   "Well..." he thought of how words had been piling up like crashed cars on his tongue, "Yeah. And I- you- everyone-"  
   "If you don't cut it out, we’ll tell everyone you're _gay!"_ James threatened,  
  "No we will not, James! We are going to deal with this, really deal with it."  
  James sighed and rolled his eyes, fiddling with his wand, grumbling something about 'useless' and 'mother.'  
  "That’s a point; your mother would hate it, wouldn't she, Sirius?"  
 "Yes! Loads! She could kick me out! That is not the aim!"  
   "Aww poor wittle Siwius! How will you ever live without your mummy’s mansion?"  
  Sirius stared at James incredulously, "You sound just like Bellatrix Black!"  
    James mimicked Sirius in a mocking high voice and Peter laughed.  
    "Sirius, what actually is the problem?" Remus asked.  
   "It’s just... it’s lots, alright? Yes, it would piss off my mum, which is great, and probably means that being gay is the best thing on earth, but..."  
   "But?"  
   Sirius shrugged, avoiding his eye, "It's dirty. It- It- Everyone says it's dirty. And bad. Everyone! And what if people start thinking I'm gay? You lot practically accused me on the train!"  
  "Accused?"  
  "Well, yeah, you know what I mean! And I’m sorry! I don't hate you, Remus, I still like you just as much as I did, which is a lot! I don't want this to come between us..."  
   Remus began converting the pile of pulled grass to another spot, "You're the only one making this a problem."  
   "But why did you have to tell everyone?"  
   Remus looked at him, "Because I'm not ashamed. Because I want others to not be ashamed. Because I'm fed up with hiding every little damn detail about myself out of fear." he shrugged, throwing grass in the air and mumbling, "I'm not ashamed."  
    "Okay, er, I get that. Good for you. But-" he glanced at James, who was now tapping his wand irritably on his knee, "But-” he gave a resigned sigh, “You'll still need defence. You can't expect people to just accept this stuff quietly." Remus opened his mouth, then shut it again, "I'm good at duelling, not afraid of detentions, I’ll defend you, Remus!"  
   Sirius watched Remus face make multiple expressions, trying to identify each one before it changed. Generally, it seemed more negative than he had hoped for.  
  "If you'll have me, of course." he added quietly, lowering his head.  
   Remus paused, then smiled. "I’d be delighted. Thank you, Sirius." he held out his hand to his partially forgiven friend. Sirius took it and shook.   
  He stopped shaking but didn’t let go. He could feel Remus' hand loosen but he held on and didn't particularly know why. Peter and James stared at them, bemused.  
   Sirius kept on holding, as if something about the contact would fix the terrifying thoughts Remus had inadvertently planted in the recesses of his brain.   
  He kept holding until he felt Remus hold back. He did not look at his face, but he could hear him shuffle closer and flinched.  
  Remus tugged his hand away and shoved James aside to sit next to Sirius, who looked out over the grounds. Their friends dawdled away, but they stayed.  
      His tired head leant on Sirius’ shoulder in the dying light and the boy jumped to his feet, staring down at him, “I’m not gay though,” Sirius muttered, then ran off back to the castle.  
  Remus Lupin sighed.

 

 


End file.
